Ruthless to the End
by Swole Diesel
Summary: Following the destruction of the Collector base, Shepard now faces the full force of the reapers. Can he survive and keep his sanity in the process. Post ME2, AU ME3.


**Ruthless to the End (Post ME2, ME3 AU)**

John Shepard: 90% Renegade/10% Paragon

Soldier, Earthborn, Ruthless

Important Decisions:

Zhu's hope destroyed

Rachni spared

Wrex survived

Kaidan sacrificed on Virmire

Ashley Williams LI in ME1

Sacrificed the Council

Udina made Councilor

Let Balak go free

Everyone survived suicide mission

Collector base destroyed

Jack romance in ME2

Rewrote heretic geth

Kept genophage data

Looks: Default Male Shepard, heavily Renegade with facial scars and red reaper eyes. Am I the only one who thought it made him look like a bad ass Terminator?

Personality: Generally ruthless in combat, but supportive and loyal to his crew. Abrasive personality with those who get in his way. Has seemingly developed a bloodlust. Slowly slipping into madness and questioning his own sanity and purpose. Slowly begins to loathe the humanity he is trying to save.

**Ch.1 – Alone**

**Shepard**

The metallic, human looking reaper shrieked as bullets tore through his synthetic body. Individually each did little damage, but the collective onslaught of the three humans was finally beginning to wear down the barriers and shields protecting its still unfinished body. Its growl echoed through the large chamber and joined the staccato of gunfire in a deafening orchestra. The reaper was hurt and its pain brought a smile to Shepard's lips.

They were winning. Even Shepard couldn't believe it. He was fully prepared to die in this base, but now as he fired upon the monstrosity he had hope of escaping with his life. The team had fought through the collector base without any serious injuries and was now face to face with the monstrosity that had cost so many colonists their lives. He had left most of his team behind with the rescued staff of his ship and to keep the remainder of the collectors at bay, choosing to face down the most dangerous enemy with Miranda and Jack in tow.

He wanted to be ready for anything and figured biotics would be his best bet. Jack was the most powerful biotic on his team and she would never forgive him for leaving her behind. The final battle promised a huge explosion; she was probably wet just from the thought. Miranda was the next best choice since Samara had suffered an injury. It wasn't life threatening, but enough to slow the justicar down. Jack and Miranda had glared each other down at the start, but a stern look from Shepard had silenced them. They still hated each other, but their hatred could wait.

"Jack, Miranda, keep those husks at bay," he yelled, pointing to a large group of husks stumbling towards them from the opposite end of the room.

The two women nodded as they turned to unleash bullets and biotics into the shambling creatures. Jack growled as she glowed blue and released a shockwave that sent many of the creatures off the ledge they had been standing on. Miranda, while not as powerful a biotic as Jack, decided to save her energy and use her sub machine gun to mow down row after row of the horrid creations.

Shepard on the other hand found himself face to face with the reaper. It smiled, or so he thought, at seeing the man isolated and vulnerable. It reached out with its metallic hand only to see Shepard roll to the side and blast a concussive shot right into its side. It stumbled back a few steps, dangerously teetering by the ledge of the platform they were on.

It growled and attacked once more just barely missing the evading Commander. He took a peek at his allies who were now being overwhelmed by the relentless horde of enemies. If the husks weren't bad enough they were shortly joined by a group of Collectors firing their energy weapons. Without hesitation he turned to race towards his companions. He fired wildly behind his back at the reaper to try and give him some time to deal with the new threat. Each bullet that struck it gave it reason to pause as it still tried to adjust to its new body.

Out of the corner of his eye Shepard saw Harbinger take control of another Collector. The newly powerful foe aimed directly at Miranda and let out with a biotic attack. Unaware, Miranda kept firing her weapon into the crowd of husks getting ever closer. Shepard saw her biotic barrier flickering dangerously and knew he had to act. Activating his adrenaline rush he allowed for his increased senses to take over, slowing time in the process. With inhuman speed he rushed over to Miranda and shoved her aside, taking the full brunt of the warp attack himself. He felt his insides yell out in protest as the attack threatened to rip him apart. Luckily, his armor was able to absorb some of the attack and merely left him aching in pain.

Miranda rushed over to Shepard's side with concern in her eyes, but he waved her back, "Just keep firing, I'll be fine."

She was a meticulous and cold woman, but even she was speechless for a moment at Shepard's selfless nature. She now understood why The Illusive Man wanted Shepard back just the way he had been. Her eyes couldn't leave his body as he gingerly rose to his feet.

"Hey Cheerleader, quit eye fucking him and help me out here!"

The tattooed biotic sure had a way with words. It was one of the things that actually attracted him to her. He was used to strict military formality, but she was the polar opposite and he loved it. The jarring words were enough to snap Miranda out of her momentary daze. She turned back to her enemies and fired off a warp attack into the direction of Harbinger's collector which was quickly taken care of by a nicely placed bullet from Shepard's assault rifle.

Just as the tide was turning and the horde of husks began to fall to the combined onslaught, Shepard heard the reaper growl as it lunged for the group. It ran over husks and collectors without a care and swiped at the trio. Luckily, it was clumsy and they all avoided a direct hit from the monstrosity. With the husks and collectors now fully destroyed the three humans turned to face the reaper as a whole. Shepard had an idea.

"Drive that thing back as much as possible, this is going to cause a big bang," he yelled as he pulled the Cain from his back.

Miranda's eyes widened as she saw the mini-nuke launcher unfold in Shepard's hands.

"Shepard are you crazy? That thing will blow us all to hell."

She had a sexy accent, he had to admit. Too bad she used it to second guess him so often. Jack on the other hand smiled a devilish smile; it was so much prettier than she'd ever been given credit for. She nodded and without hesitation blasted the reaper with a shockwave that sent it back. Seeing the determination in his eyes Miranda relented and focused her efforts on the reaper in front of her. The trio pushed the reaper back under the combined power of their attacks until it stood a good distance away. Without hesitation he began charging up the Cain.

"When this goes it's going to get hot. Try and find some cover."

Click.

The gun had finished charging and with a mighty kick it sent the mini-nuke in the reapers direction. The reaper didn't have time to avoid the projectile as it struck him square in the chest and detonated in a brilliant explosion. The reaper squealed as it tumbled off the ledge. Shepard's celebration was short lived as he didn't have time to duck behind cover and felt his feet lifted off the ground from the resulting shockwave. It sent him flying backwards landing with a hard thud on the ground. The pain traveled quickly through his body causing the Commander to curse and spit up some blood. He was going to be feeling that one for days.

As he stood he felt the oppressive heat hit him like the rancid breath of a krogan after glorious battle. He moved closer to the terminal in front of him and brought up his omni-tool. He was going to blow up the collector base, no matter the protests from The Illusive Man. He tried to reason with Shepard, but his voice fell on deaf ears. Even the loyal Miranda told him to fuck off bringing an approving smile to Jack's face. It quickly vanished before Miranda could see however. With everything set all that was left was to press the button and set the explosion off. As they began to head away they heard a terrible scream as the metal reaper appeared climbing over the edge. Half of its body had been melted away from the power of the Cain, but it still clawed as it tried to climb back over the ledge. With no option Shepard motioned for Miranda and Jack to run and depressed the button setting the explosion. It rocked the ledge they were standing on knocking the trio over. Jack cursed as she lost her footing and began sliding on the angled platform toward her death. Jagged rocks tore into her exposed flesh as she was knocked around. Her eyes wild with fear she reached out for anything she could grab, but found nothing. She was going over and there was nothing she could.

Jack thought about the night before the suicide mission in which she had run up to Shepard's cabin, face a mess with mascara and tears and for the first time in her life she had exposed her feelings to someone else. She had let herself be weak and now she was paying the price. Lonely and alive had been her motto and it had served her well. One night of warmth and comfort in someone's arms and she was dead. _What a fool._

As she went over the edge with a shriek she suddenly felt her downfall come to an abrupt stop. Looking up with disbelief in her eyes she saw Shepard grabbing her hand. The strain was evident on his face as he struggled to keep the two of them from falling.

"I'm not letting go!"

With a grunt he heaved the small woman up and back on solid ground. His shoulder was dislocated and the pain from his other injuries was crippling his body. He grabbed the last of his medi-gel and began to apply it, before he stopped at the sight in front of him. Jack was bleeding and breathing heavily, each breath a struggle. Without a second shot he administered the medi-gel to the convict and was relieved to see her pain ease instantaneously.

It wasn't relief or thanks that he saw in her eyes however, but anger, fear, and shame. What he had done now he didn't know, but it would have to wait. Biting her lips Jack helped Shepard to his feet as the trio raced away for the Normandy.

Bullets flew by the trio as the remainder of the collectors fired at the fleeing humans. The run back felt excruciatingly long, but finally they saw the Normandy hovering in place for them. Garrus and Jacob kneeled at the side firing behind them to try and give them cover for the final few feet. A stray bullet caught Shepard in the back and he collapsed taking Jack with him. Miranda had already made it to the ship and had jumped in. Turning around she joined Garrus and Jacob in firing and urging the final two members onward.

"Go, I'll be right behind you."

Jack shook her head, "Fuck you Shepard, I ain't leaving so you can die a damn hero!"

She helped Shepard up and the two continued onward to the ship. Standing at the ledge she looked at the distance between the ship and them. Shepard nodded and she jumped and landed safely aboard. His body screamed in pain from the internal injuries, shot in the back, dislocated shoulder, and loss of blood as he took a few steps back and with his last bit of energy bounded forward jumping at the last possible instant. Even then, his jump was tragically short as he collided hard with the ramp of the ship. His ribs cracked instantly as all the breath escaped his body. Within seconds his grip slipped, but luckily it was enough time for Garrus and Jacob to grab him and pull him to safety.

He wanted to lay there and go to sleep and never wake up. But there was work to be done, there was always something left to do. He would never find peace.

Pain etched on his face he rose and made his way to the elevator and pressed the button for the CIC. Joined by the rest of the crew as they cheered he kept his eyes straight even as the ship jolted from a suddenly blast within the collector ship. He would rest when they were safe.

Walking through the Normandy he stopped in the cockpit and placed a hand on Joker.

"Get us the hell out of here!"

"What, no time for sightseeing?"

EDI chimed in before Shepard could respond, "I do not recommend that course of action Mr. Moreau. According to my calculations…"

"Yeah yeah Edi, it was a joke."

"Joker!"

"I got this Commander, we're out of here."

Shepard sighed in relief as the Normandy flew to safety and out of the Omega 4 relay. They had done the impossible. No one had ever gone through the relay before and returned, until now. The suicide mission as it had been called was completed without a single casualty.

**Jack**

_Pussy. I can't believe how fucking weak you are._

Jack's mind was racing. How had she been so careless to let Shepard in so close? For all her life she had kept people at a distance and it had suited her fine. Yeah, sometimes it was lonely, but she was alive and that was fine for her. Tonight she had almost died. She didn't even want to think about that. Not that she was afraid of dying, that was easy. A fucking on, off switch. Her thoughts turned to the revenge she would never have.

_You're letting yourself get side tracked. Cerberus needs to pay for everything they did._

She let Shepard get close and it nearly cost her everything. Not only that, but her weakness forced Shepard to give up the last of his medi-gel to her. She had seen the pain in his eyes and heard his shoulder pop under the strain of holding them both up. He was in pain and when he gave up his medi-gel for her she hated herself for being so helpless.

She wanted Sheppard, even love… no, she wouldn't say it. She cared for him, more so than anyone else in her life. But happiness was not meant for people like her and she knew the longer they stayed together the more it would cost the both of them. She knew he would never admit that the two of them couldn't work so she had to do it herself. For both their sakes.

With her mind set she stepped out of her pit and reached the elevator to go to Shepard's room. It had been several hours since the successful mission and the crew were resting and healing their injuries. She knew Shepard was in his room doing the same, but was a bit surprised when she walked in to see him standing and staring into his fish tank. The stupid creatures swam around without a care in the world.

He stood straight, with bandages wrapped around his torso. His shirt was off and had it not been for all the wrappings she would've been able to see his muscular chest and chiseled abs. It would've made things so much harder.

As she entered he turned to face her, his eyes glowing red from the reaper technology in him. They still unnerved her and so did the glowing scars running down his face. They had become more prominent as of late. Chakwas had attributed it to stress. Yeah no shit, he had a suicide mission to plan and now that it was over he just had the small matter of saving the galaxy from extinction. Stress was an understatement. It was just another reason that he needed to focus on the reapers and not her. Her happiness would have to take a back seat.

He smiled and approached Jack who hesitated, but allowed him to envelope her in his strong arms. They stood silent for a few moments enjoying each other's warmth before Jack broke free and took a step back shaking her head. He frowned. _God, was she doing the right thing?_

"Shepard, we've got to stop this."

His brows furrowed in confusion and she could see the pain enter his eyes. She hadn't seen that pain even when his shoulder had been dislocated. Jack couldn't go on while looking at him so she lowered her gaze.

"You saw what happened back there. I was weak. I let myself open up and I got sloppy and it nearly got me killed. Got us killed. Fuck Shepard, if this was just about sex we could've been done and over with. But you had to be a fucking boy scout and get mushy and push. What am I supposed to do with that?"

He took a step forward as she started to back away. With a sigh he stopped and rubbed the back of his head.

"You're not weak for caring for someone and I would've done the same for any of my crew. You even saw me do the same for Miranda."

She smirked, "Yeah, wouldn't have minded her taking that one."

He continued, "My point being Jack, you're not weak. You're the strongest woman I've ever known. You've been through hell and you've still become a great woman, a woman I lo…"

"Don't Shepard, don't you fucking say it. Fuck, why do you have to make this so hard? I'll still fight for you, isn't that good enough?"

He shook his head, "No Jack, I need more."

"I've got nothing more to give Shepard."

She could see the determination breaking in his eyes and slowly they filled with sorrow. It was crushing her to see him this way, but she continued.

"I know you wanted to help me and you did Shepard, but I don't need you anymore."

He shook his head before taking a step forward. He reached out and grasped her hand in his as he pleaded, "Jack, this isn't about you needing me to fix you…"

He struggled with his words, "It's about you fixing me. I'm broken Jack. I'm surrounded by death and suffering on a daily basis. I've had to see my friends die and sacrifice themselves for people who couldn't care less. I've had to send troops forward knowing they would be slaughtered. I've had to kill hundreds of thousands so that billions could live. Do you know what it's like to have that burden following you around, invading your mind every time you try and close your eyes? Jack, I'm tired, I'm so very tired and yet the reapers are coming and everyone is looking at me for answers that I don't have. I can't do this alone, I need you Jack."

Fuck. Her eyes became wet with tears as she looked away. The only person she ever loved. Yes, damnit, loved, was breaking down in front of her and she couldn't help him. She was sorry for the pain she was causing him, but there was no choice.

Looking up at him her words came out quiet as a whisper, "I'm sorry Shepard."

She kissed him lightly on the lips before escaping from his grasp and leaving the cabin.

**Shepard**

It had been an hour, but the pain had only gotten worse. He sat on his bed dumbfounded. He hadn't realized it until now, but he loved Jack. Loved her like he'd never loved anyone before. Not even Ashley so many years before. He needed her strength by his side not as a killing machine, but as the love of his life. Just as quickly as their relationship had begun now it was over. _How could she be so heartless to leave me like this?_

FUCK.

His emotional pain joined with the physical pain and turned to anger. He was enraged as he punched the steel of the ship. The pain in his hand actually made him feel better as he kept punching the steel denting it in the process. His enhanced cybernetic strength helped make a sizeable dent in the wall of his cabin before he stormed off and collapsed on his bed. He looked at this throbbing hand to see it disfigured and bleeding profusely. He didn't care. The sight of blood actually excited him. It wasn't the first time this had happened however. His bloodlust had been building for months now. He now relished going into combat and killing all those opposed to him. He hadn't lied to Jack, he was broken and slowly but surely his mind was slipping into madness.

She'd left him for her revenge.

Ashley had left him because of her mistrust.

Liara had left him to become the Shadow Broker.

They all left him when he needed them most. They needed him to save them, protect them, lead them against the reapers, but when he needed them he was left alone. He was always alone.

"You fight so hard for them, but where are they when you need them?"

Saren stood at the side of his bed, glaring down at him with a malevolent smirk. He'd been seeing Saren for a few weeks now, always coming to play with his mind after a particularly brutal mission. Sometimes Kaidan joined him so that Shepard could come face to face with his decision on Virmire. At first he tried to ignore them, noticing the effects of indoctrination miles away, but recently he had stopped caring.

"I'll still stop the reapers. Even if I go insane in the process."

Saren smiled, "How do you plan to do that all alone?"

Shepard closed his eyes and fell back on the bed. He had no response.


End file.
